Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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