yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
