There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
