just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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