Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
