i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
