I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
