then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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