apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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