Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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