im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize