I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
