hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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