I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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