I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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