Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Boobs speak an international language.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
