Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
