I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
