my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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