Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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