How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
