well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
