Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
