Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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