Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
