My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
