She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
