It's Friday. Sex?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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