Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
