K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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