Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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