I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
