im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
