Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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