Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
