using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
