Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
