I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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