You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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