Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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