....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
