I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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