But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
