You're so nebulous sometimes
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
