Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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