hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He? As in you personified your dick?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
