i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
