There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
