I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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