He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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