she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
