cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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