I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
