apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
