i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
