why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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