You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
