Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
