I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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