Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
