Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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