He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Fuck appropriateness.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
