I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize