she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
