I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize