The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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