is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize