she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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