so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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