i don't like sucking hair
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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