Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
