3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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