allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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