Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
40s are totally the cure
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
