Where are you?
In a non slutty way
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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