OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Watching her eat just hurts me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
