I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
