Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
