Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
