At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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