take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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