I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize