My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
