I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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