My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
