Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
