Three words: puerto rican gang bang
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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