apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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