i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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