please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
