This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
