clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
