ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
