So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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