I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
