you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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