I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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