Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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