Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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