my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
